Stages of Grief

Different experts suggest there are a number of stages involved in grieving.
Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her book "On Death and Dying" identified five stages that people go through when faced with the prospect of their death.
These can also be applied to anyone who is grieving or experiencing a loss.

The stages are as follows:

• 1 - Denial. The person finds it hard to accept what is happening. They may experience a sense of numbness or shock.
• 2 - Anger. It may be directed at anyone around them or inwardly at themselves. Typically the person will ask themselves "Why me?"
• 3 - Bargaining. The grieving person tries to postpone the pain of the loss through bargaining with someone who they perceive to be in control of the situation.
• 4 - Depression. During this phase the person may think "What's the use?" The reality of their loss is sinking in and they find it very difficult to get on with life.
• 5 - Acceptance. The person accepts their loss and learns to live with it and the changes it has brought to them.
  

It is important to bear in mind that the process of grieving is not an exact science. It is not as orderly as this list; a person may pass back and forth from one phase to another. Nor is there a time limit to the process or an agreement to how long it takes. Some of the literature on the topic suggests that it can take two years or from 3-5 years.

The process can be influenced by a number of factors including:

• the nature of the relationship between the two people,
• the grieving person's previous experience of death/separation,
• their stage of development
• cultural and religious factors eg. a person's belief in God.

The grieving process is like the tide on the seashore with its ebbs and flows. A person may think they are finished with grieving and then experience something which triggers a connection with their sense of loss once more, for example seeing someone who reminds them of the person who has gone. Most people succeed in healing the wounds of their pain eventually and continuing life with the scars of their loss. Grieving is a necessary, albeit painful process for this to occur.