What is the experience of grief like for an adolescent?

We could answer this by looking at the main emotions an adolescent may feel and how these manifest themselves.

A grieving adolescent may experience a whole variety of emotions. Here is a flavour of some of them: sadness, pain, betrayal or abandonment by the person who has died or left them. The fact that someone has left them can damage their trust in others or their trust and confidence in themselves (after all if they were trustworthy the person wouldn't have left, would they?) In the case of separation or divorce they may feel torn in half if they think they have to support one parent over the other. They may feel insecure as they ask the question "Who will look after me now?" They may feel burdened by responsibility, especially if such responsibility is put on them or they receive messages like "You're the man of the house now" or "You have to look after your mother." They may be angry at themselves, at the person who has left them, at the person who hasn't died or left, at the world, at God. Guilt is another powerful emotion they may feel. In their grief they may think "It's all my fault. If I had been better then my parents wouldn't have split up." In the case of someone dying the guilt may arise from not being reconciled to the person before their death. Adolescents may feel a whole range of these emotions and sometimes more than one at once. This can be very frightening and confusing and can leave them wondering "Is this nomal?" "Am I normal?"

Some of the physical signs of this process are the following:

• lump in throat
• crying
• headaches
• tightness of chest
• lack of energy
• weight loss.

The adolescent may display different behaviour. Here are some of the behavioural signs that they are grieving: loss of appetite, loss of weight, restlessness , loss of sleep,having nightmares, a lack of interest in friends or activities they enjoy or in life generally,outbursts,drop in academic grades, increase in disclipine problems.

Some adolescents may become quiet and withdrawn because the loss is too great for them at that moment or they feel no-one understands them. Boys may become more withdrawn also due to cultural messages that men don't cry and the fear of ridicule among their peers if they do.

More serious signs would include:

• total withdrawal by the adolescent
• denial of the death or separation
• engagement in anti-social behaviour like drug or alcohol abuse
• getting into trouble with the law
• expression of statements like "life isn't worth living"